Not trying to change you, but trying to bring the best to the top.
A spouse should be like a gold miner, going under the surface to uncover the invaluable stuff underneath.
Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.
As I wrote in “If your core values can’t dance together, then you’ll keep tripping, falling and wondering why you can’t move together in rhythm.” For example, you could have a high value for responsibility and the person you’re dating could have a high value for risk.
Holidays, especially, are giving you a glimpse into how your partner has been taught and trained. Sit up, take notes, because believe me you’ll want to feel prepared for the test that comes later. Love can be the worst form of manipulation there is.
And the test will come like a train on a dark and stormy night! I first asked this question in , and I think it boils down to this: Is their love based on YOU or is their love based on THEM? Your partner can look and smell like a rose, and yet continue to prick you with their sharpened barbs.
Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path.
Too many marriages start (and end) with vague and un-identified core values. Or are you constantly trying to hide who you are because they want you to be someone you’re not?
Original Photo by Leland Francisco Marriage is like rolling Play-Doh, the more two different colors are meshed together the harder it becomes to distinguish one from another.