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THIS SITE USES COOKIES TO PROVIDE YOU WITH MORE RESPONSIVE AND PERSONALIZED SERVICE AND TO COLLECT CERTAIN INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR USE OF THE SITE.YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR COOKIE SETTINGS THROUGH YOUR BROWSER.Many of us remember the early school dances we attended. The key here is that you must make yourself vulnerable to rejection to hold and be held by a girl.If you wanted to hold a girl in your arms, you had to make the long walk across the room with everyone watching and ask the girl to dance. By the time we become adults, we’ve already been battered and bruised by the world of competition and rejection.But admitting these needs makes us feel like little boys, not big strong men.Better to be manly with our sexual desire and then once we’re inside her body, we can relax, be ourselves, and be infused with love. One of the things I love getting from my wife, Carlin, is to lay in her lap and have my scalp rubbed. I don’t need to have sex in order to have this need satisfied. Here, I’m being touched deeply, accepted completely. I just must be willing to be deeply vulnerable.◊♦◊Just as it’s difficult for men to ask to be held, nurtured, and touched; it’s often difficult for women to give that kind of intimacy.She wasn’t complaining that he was preoccupied with sex, but that he “didn’t come on to me like other guys do.” She went on to tell her girlfriend, “He’s not being very manly.” The message was clear, “real men” want sex and if you don’t “come on” to a girl, you’re not a real man.

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For a woman, she must also go beyond her own conditioning and be open to a man who is making himself vulnerable in new ways.

Of course, I’m talking about heterosexual men here.

There’s a similar dynamic in the gay world, but here I’ll focus on men and women.

Join more than 15 million people who have already improved their relationships by discovering your love language.

—RSVP to join weekly calls on Love, Sex & Relationships–How many times have we heard the phrase, “All men want is sex? When I was 37 years old, I suspected it might not be true.

Like all guys we are somewhat competitive and we all want to be seen as successful, but we also have learned to be honest with each other.

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